What is Easy
by DreadPirateRoberts
Summary: I've always been good at screwing up other peoples lives. My parents, Katie's and Naomi's. It's why I had to do it. I had to escape. Only it went from bad to worse, and now I'm stuck in my own personal hell. My own fault really. Wristcutters themes.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Skins/Wristcutters: A love story. Emily, Naomi and Katie do not belong to me, neither do any of the other skins/Wristcutters characters that may or may not appear in the story.**

_I'd like to think Katie cried, that perhaps despite everything she did love me in her own special way. But I suppose one tear would be too much to ask for from my overbearing twin. The way we left things, wouldn't surprise me if she didn't show up._

_I wish I could be there, to see my final moments. To see Naomi, my love, to beg forgiveness. To see Katie, future footballers wife, to apologise. To see JJ, a friend indeed, to ask for understanding._

_But I couldn't. I was well and truly in the shit._


	2. One Year On

**A/N: Emily, Naomi, Katie and any other skins/Wristcutters characters that make an appearance do not belong to me. **

"Emily."

I wanted to answer, but the reflection in the mirror held my gaze. Pale skin, dull red hair, depressingly dreary. Just like everything else in this god forsaken place. My reflection was a far cry from the girl it used to be, with my bright red hair and my colourful personality.

Drip drip. Major déjà vu.

Strange that my last memories of a colourful better world where being played out for me yet again. Everything from the smelly broken down public toilets, to the broken mirror.

A sigh escaped my lips as my name was called yet again, louder and with a hint of annoyance. I knew I better answer that call.

Tightening the tap my gaze fell onto the pool of water that had formed in the sink. Water that I could have swore turned a blood red, if only for mere seconds. Shaking my head I moved for the door, one to many drinks I think.

The moment the door closed behind me I felt myself unceremoniously lifted into the air and another bottle shoved into my hand, as a chorus of Emily's filled the bar, not a single person hadn't got there glasses. There were no smiles, no laughter and it looked like the shittest party ever, but I could bet that this was more fun than any of them had ever had in all the years they had been stuck here.

I was probably the smallest person here, and no amount of kicking and screaming had ever gotten me anywhere, especially where both Matt and Summer where concerned. Didn't hurt to try though.

I did try, kicking, flailing, screaming. But they held onto me too tight and I could not be heard over the chorus. I remained held high above the others, a belated crowd surf without the excitement before being dropped onto the floor rather suddenly.

It was like on of the old movies where everything moves in slow motion. As soon as my feet touched the ground I felt myself falling back, unable to grab anything that would keep me upright. Embarrassing much. Until I felt a steady arm wrapped securely around my waist.

"Thanks" I heard myself say as I stood upright, the arm still held fast around my waist. My gaze rested on the arm as it was pulled away quickly and back to a blonde haired, blue eyed girl.

My heart stopped. It couldn't be.

Could it be Naomi. Would she have been stupid enough to follow me here. Did she love me that much. A thousand questions only one answer.

No.

It defiantly wasn't Naomi, it wasn't anybody, just another one of my stupid hallucinations.

I wanted her back. I wanted to look into those blue eyes, to run my hand through her blonde hair, to kiss her delicious lips. I wanted Naomi, I wanted my old life back. The way I saw it there was only one way to do that, the bottle in my hand. Alcohol brought hallucinations, but the hallucinations also brought Naomi. So I drank more.

Shaking the bottle I was disappointed to find it empty. Alcohol never seemed to last long around here, probably because this place is so fucking depressing an escape is needed. Doesn't bloody work though does it.

Walking to the bar would require some effort so instead I settled for the nearly full bottle on the table in front of me. It's owner would probably never notice that it had disappeared, probably wouldn't even care.

Just like I didn't care about the cake that was next to the bottle. White with light grey writing proclaiming that I had been in this shit hole precisely 1 fucking year.

As if I needed any sort of reminder. Matt and Summer, both wankers.


	3. We Three

To say I was well and truly fucked was an understatement. The table top was covered, the floor around us was covered, and the drinks kept on coming.

Matt and Summer had taken it upon themselves to have a drinking contest, one which I had respectfully declined to take part in. Good job really, I'd never have been able to keep up. Summer could drink the best of them under the table, and Matt was no slouch either.

By the time my one bottle had been drained thoroughly, Matt had disposed of two and Summer a whopping four. It was fascinating to watch.

However like everything else it failed to hold my attention for long, partly due to memories, which where at best extremely hazy. A twin Fitch drinking contest, or something similar. A sigh escaped my lips, before I slid sideways of the chair, using the table to pull myself up.

Dropping a couple of white notes on the table I attempted to navigate the minefield of beer bottles, only to trip and fall at the last moment in a crescendo of smashing bottles unable to hold my weight.

"Shit, fuck" the stream of words that left my mouth after that would have put Katie to shame. I lay there amongst the broken glass, my hand running over a particularly jagged piece, not unlike the one I held in my hands exactly a year ago today. I have no idea why I slid the glass into my pocket, an incontrollable compulsion. I mean why the fuck did I feel the need to take something that reminded me of why I was in this fucking place.

Nobody bothered to come help me, it was difficult to find a person that genuinely cared, hell even I didn't care. If I saw somebody trip and fall I'd just keep on walking. The barman was however pretty quick to start sweeping up the mess I had just made, without even so much as a sound directed towards me.

Pulling myself from the floor I dusted the remaining pieces of glass from my person. The one good thing about this place. No blood.

Closing my hand tight around the piece in my pocket I headed up the nearest steps and into the warm night air. Hot as hell this place, even at night when it's supposed to be cooler. No need for jackets, and by the looks of some people no need for any clothes.

Lucky bastards.

Of course I couldn't join them. Hadn't been laid in an entire year, not since the night before, yet even more to add to the intrinsic depression associated with this place.

"Fucking of are ya" the voice was decidedly feminine and oh so familiar, followed by a deeper slurred voice, "Wait the fuck up Ems."

Why should I wait for them, oh yea right because I lived with the two of them, and they where my only friends. "Hurry the fuck up then."

Something in my tone must have told them not to mess with me because they did speed up, Matt attaching himself to my neck with one of his arms, and using his other to pull Summer towards him. "I won ya know. Stole the competition right out from under her."

Why did I find that so hard to believe.

A nod from Summer told me that Matt wasn't lying. Perhaps I had underestimated him. Drinking always seemed to correspond to the severity of the reasons as to why we ended up here, and although I didn't know the details I knew Summers problems had been of the worst sort. That's when it occurred to me that for three almost friends, we knew fuck all about each other.


	4. Holding On

**a/n: Just a short chapter because I have to go home now.**

How do you ask someone how they died.

I mean it's rather rude.

Sort of like asking an adult how old they are I suppose. I mean you couldn't just go up to them and directly ask them, ello mate how'd you off yourself. You'd probably get your ass kicked.

You couldn't work it into the conversation either, for a place filled with suicide cases it was a pretty Taboo subject.

Even in limbo I couldn't seem to break this weaker Fitch persona of mine, so deeply engrained into me. Katie wasn't here, so in theory I should just be myself, the person I am around Naomi. If I could do that, then perhaps I would be brave enough to ask the question I'm dying to ask them both.

How did you kill yourself?

I think the reason I didn't ask was not because I was afraid I'd lose there friendship for getting personal, but because I would have to answer in kind. I would have to revisit a day of my life that I most certainly wasn't ready to.

So as we dropped onto the broken down couch side by side, I kept my mouth firmly shut.

As per drunken routine Matt produced from his pocket a slightly battered box of fags. Some death exclusive brand that was as dull as everything else.

Charlotte took one, Matt took one, I didn't even get offered one. Unsurprisingly. Even alive I had stayed away from fags, that was always more Naomi's thing.

Naomi's thing. Oh fuck it.

Grabbing the pack out of Matt's hand I removed the last one, tossing the empty packet behind us, and onto an altogether larger pile of bottles and packets.

When you're dead it's hard to care.

Lighting the end up I brought it to my lips, much to the shock of my two companions. A year without partaking, and now all of a sudden I wanted one.

One drag, followed by another, followed by another. God the taste as so familiar, so addicting, so Naomi. Or Naomi as she tasted the first time I kissed her, all those years ago.

"Fuck Em's, slow down girl"

I wasn't going to slow down, I needed to hang to her in any way I could. I didn't want to forget her like I had forgotten so many of my other memories.


	5. Through Tired Eyes

**A/N: Italics are for Naomi/Emily's Dream.**

Sleep in this place was virtually impossible. Too much on everybody's mind I suppose. Matt was the fascinating exception.

He slept, every single night without fail. No struggle, no nothing. Simply closed his eyes and slept. Much to the envy of both Summer and myself.

I was tired. So very tired. Tired of spending my nights drinking, tired of fighting to keep her close, tired of feeling guilty, but most of all tired of this place. I wanted to kill myself, to take the bottle from my pocket and run the sharpest edge against the faint outlines on my wrist.

Only I knew exactly how much it would hurt, and I didn't want to end up in a bigger shit hole.

Shit go to sleep you stupid cow. I have no thoughts. I have no thoughts. I have…….

_I hated my reflection. Pale, tear streaked. The girl staring at me through the mirror was somebody I didn't recognise, someone I didn't ever want to look at again. _

_I hated mirrors, I hated myself but most of all I hated Emily. _

_She left me alone and broken. In one night she brought me higher than she ever had before, only to let me drop and shatter into pieces. _

_No I didn't hate Emily. I loved her, I needed her. _

_Bringing my sleeve across my face I wiped the tears away, only for more to replace them seconds later. Was this going to be It, was this my life now. A barren lonely future without Emily. _

_Yes._

_A fresh round of sobs tore through my body as my fist flew up to the mirror._

_Smash._

_Seven years bad luck bring it on. Things couldn't get any worse._

_It should have hurt like hell, but I felt nothing. Nothing but the sorrow threatening to consume me. Compelling me to take up a blood covered piece of mirror and join Emily. _

_But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was not brave enough. _

_Running my hand under the cold water, my gaze moved from the mirror and towards the steady stream of part blood, part water, reminding me of the last time I had laid eyes on Emily, pale, lifeless, the sink filed with a dark red liquid spilling over the sides and onto the floor._

_Shutting the water of I fled from the bathroom, shutting the door tight. I didn't want to remember that. Didn't want to remember Emily like that. It was too painful._

_I could hear my mother coming up the stairs, Kieran behind he, both worriedly calling my name. "Naomi, Naomi are you alright."_

_I moved quickly into my bedroom, pulling the heaviest thing I could manage in front on my door. My chest of drawers. The contents of which spilled onto the floor._

_Another smash. No, please god no._

_I was right. The smash had been the frame of one of my pictures. But not just any picture, a picture of Emily and myself after we had left the Love Ball. My favourite picture. It was ruined._

_Throwing it back to the floor a half sob half growl escaped my throat before I threw myself onto the bed. Pulling the covers up over me I screwed my eyes shut, my head filling with images of Emily. Us by the lake, us in bed, us enjoying a picnic, dinner with my family, then a strange one, a memory that I could not recall._

_Everything was duller, like I was looking at everything through sunglasses. Three people sat on a battered old couch, in a rundown old room. A tall blonde sat in the middle, cigarette raised to her lips, watching. A dark haired boy, head in the blonde's lap and legs draped over the side of the settee, seemingly asleep. _

_Then I saw her. Her red hair unmistakable to me even through the tint. My Emily. Well not exactly my Emily. My Emily always smiled, even in her sleep, and the vision before me had a neutral expressionless look. Yet I knew it was still her. Eyes lightly closed, breathing even. _

_An angel._

_I shouted to her, willing her to hear me. "Emily." Even as the vision faded I continued to shout "Emily, Emily."_

_"Emileeeeeeee."_

_I sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide open as knocks on my door came every second. "Naomi, are you ok, we heard you shouting."_

_A dream, It was just a dream. _

_More tears worked there way down my face as I drew my knees up towards my chest, her name on my lips a mere whisper._

_"Emily"_

My eyes flew open, my breathing heavy, laboured, my body shaking. Like I'd been crying. Only that was impossible I couldn't cry, not in this place. The dream, my god I'd never felt anything as real as that.

"Naomi."

"What was that Em's." I couldn't answer Summer, I couldn't form words, I couldn't even think.


	6. Routine

Chapter 5: Routine

**A/N: Die to may many manny assignments all due in these last two weeks I have been unable to update. So I apologise and hope you like the new chapter**

Have you ever wanted something so badly. You focus on nothing else but that which you want. A single minded determination. Well I did.

I wanted Naomi. I wanted the memories of Naomi, of her smell, her touch the things I had lost so long ago, only for them to return to me one night, three short weeks ago.

The dream had knocked me for six, and for days my world was one of colour, blue and blonde with the florally scent of the perfume I loved so much. Inhaling deeply, I was disgusted when a greasy, sickly smell filled the room. Not the intoxicating smell I had hoped for.

A groan escaped my lips as I slammed the tray onto the nearest table. Nobody moved a muscle, not even the owner of the grotty little café I called work. He just ignored me as he placed some strange concoction on a plate. Closing my eyes I took in another breath.

Still the same old overpowering, disgusting smell.

I was going crazy. Slowly but surely this place was taking over me, turning me like everybody else. Emotionless wrecks floating through there existence here. I think Naomi was the only thing allowing me to live at relatively normal life, allowing me to stave of the inherent depression that most people seemed to have.

Not that everybody was depressed, there were some who liked it here a hell of a lot more than there real lives. All for reasons that I think I will never understand. Why would you want to be stuck here, the land where it was impossible to smile. Not even the barest upturn of the mouth.

The muscles in my mouth twitched, yet nothing. Not even a blatant outright attempt , straining to pull even the corners up. Nothing. Well except the strange looks that I received from my boss as he caught my expression, teeth bared.

Another sigh escaped my lips.

I remembered my smile before, just barely. I remembered hers vividly. The smile that haunted my dreams, that made my heart skip a beat. The smile I had destroyed.

"Fitch get a move on, stop pulling stupid faces"

A roll of my eyes was the only recognition I gave him. Why he needed me to get a move on was beyond me. There was one customer, and if my assumptions were correct he would be the only customer for the rest of the day.

Dead people just didn't seem to be keen eaters. Drinkers yes. But not eaters.

Shoving the dirty plates onto my tray, I moved them swiftly towards the sink. The same thing I did every day, and would be doing every day for the rest of forever.

I f I knew the afterlife was going to be this exiting I'd have done it earlier.

Placing the last plate on the draining board, was to me satisfying. Well as satisfying as anything was ever going to get. Only the finishing of the washing up meant that I now had nothing to do for the next two hours, while the only customer picked at the food in front of him, only to leave in exactly three hours having only consumed a lettuce leaf or two.

It was the same routine every day, and he had never once finished his salad. I had once thought about telling him to put some oils on it, accenting the s, exactly the way Naomi and I used to. God those days seemed centuries ago, and I found myself wanting oilz preferably on a salad.

Perhaps he would let me have a break.

Or not, as the gentle tinkling of the bell suggested that we had customers. Highly suspicious if you asked me.

Or not so suspicious, because the voices indicated not a customer but friends. Matt and Summer. Jokingly teasing each other, goading each other on to talk to me first, whispered words meant so I couldn't hear. I knew exactly what they were saying. They were worried about me and they had some hare brained plan or other to get me as Matt had put it many times 'back to normal'.

"Matt, Summer. Can I help you at all."

Calm, natural, they wouldn't know I was onto them.

I however wonder what scheme they had concocted this time. Matt's last idea, cliff diving had been shot down by me immediately, as had Matt's hiking idea. At least he tried and that had to count for something.

"A road trip"

Summers voice held a hint of excitement, an assurance that I would like the idea, and a certain pride in the whole scheme of it. Defiantly Summer's Idea this time.

A road trip. Us three out on the road in Summer's beat up old car, no destination, no reasons. Just because. I could not find any reason not to. I needed something different, some time away from this repetition and a road trip was the perfect idea.

"let's do it."


	7. Illusions by the Roadside

Chapter 6: Illusion by the roadside

Summer's car was a broken down piece of shit. A black Cadillac Fleetwood of some long forgotten era. A classic she had said on more than one occasion.

No windows, barley any paint left on it, headlights shot to hell. Yes it was defiantly a classic.

A classic piece of shit.

Dropping my bag into the boot I slid in the back-seat, my designated holding area. I never was allowed to sit in the front, that place was reserved for Matt, and only Summer was allowed to drive the car. If we ever even dared to ask all we'd receive was a death glare and a no.

We'd given up asking.

Safely in my area Matt and Summer both climbed in, in sync. They scared me sometimes. Then we were off.

Had this situation arisen in my life, I would have promptly slid down in my seat hoping to fall through the floor, or at the very least shield myself from the embarrassment of being seen. Here there was no point.

Not only where there very few people around this time of day, but nobody gave a damn. They had there own afterlife and there own problems to reminisce.

Days passed much in the same way. Drive a little, stop at every bar along the way, make as little conversation as possible, drive some more and sleep.

If I thought my life before was repetitive, this was worse. Still I had Matt and Summer here, and that had to count for something. Still despite everything this road trip was as much fun as I'd managed to have, and It had helped my mind to stay clear, to focus on Naomi

The blue eyed, blonde still haunted my thoughts, and for that I was grateful.

Still something was bothering me, and I couldn't quite place my finger on it. Something to do with Naomi, or more specifically my memories of her. I think it would forever remain a mystery.

Ninth day in the road trip car. I did try to make the voice more like that from big brother, but I could not for the life of me replicate it. Most likely due to the fact I could not remember what the voice even sounded like. The voice sounded more like Katie's. Did she give the commentary on big brother.

Shaking my head I sat up turning to look at the front at both Matt and Summer. My lack of memories where confusing me, so I figured best not to think about them and focus on the hear and now, or on Naomi.

"How's he do that." I mused aloud, resisting the urge to poke Matt, or do something equally as bad.

It would serve him right for sleeping, lucky git.

Summer didn't answer me, only turned to watch him. Her green eyes sweeping over him a familiar but alien look passing across her features. Summer appeared to be going crazy too.

"Summer look out."

My hand pointed to the middle of the road, where the shape of a figure could be seen walking along. Her foot slammed down quickly, and the car jolted forward. I went flying into the chair in front of me. Matt's chair, sending him careening into the dashboard.

I was vaguely aware of the curses coming from Matt's mouth as he rubbed his face exactly where he had made contact with the car. I was more interested in the girl who's head was level with Summer's door as they exchanged words.

Blonde hair, blue eyes. Naomi. Panic set in. Could Naomi have followed me here, could this be another illusion much like the one I had in the club. I felt selfish for hoping that it was the first one. I loved Naomi, and I didn't want her to be here in this place. But I wanted so badly for her to be hear with me.

"I'm Tallula, where you headed."

Tallula, not Naomi. The disappointment I felt was akin to getting punched in the stomach. It was like I couldn't breath. If she wasn't Naomi, then why did she look almost exactly like her.


	8. Who Are You

Chapter 7: Who are you

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I just couldn't seem to get the next chapter out. What came out was this, it's short and I'm not all that happy with it, so I ma change it I may not. Let me know what you think.**

No matter how long we travelled the road seemed to stretch on forever, the landscape the same sandy brown for miles. That's what this place seemed to be made up of, dull shades of boring colours, hell even my hair was no longer fiery red, but a depressed I don't give a shit red.

Everything except the girl next to me. She was bright, she was colourful, she was refreshing.

Yet I refused to look at her. I refused to look at the girl that gave me a warped sense of hope. A hope that maybe not everybody would be lost to this world, a hope that maybe Naomi was not lost to me.

Yet the more I tried not to look at her, the more I failed. There was something about those blue eyes and that intense gaze that was fixated on me. I felt the familiar sensation in my stomach, the pounding of my heart.

If she was not Naomi, then how could she make me feel things only Naomi ever could.

My eyes met hers, and I was sure for a brief moment that I saw the corners of her mouth pull upwards in a smile. But she couldn't have smiled, it was impossible. This place was depression, there were no happy thoughts for anybody here, and certainly nothing that could make you happy enough to smile.

I knew it had to be an illusion, not unlike the one in the club. It was this world's way of telling me that I fucked up, that I would never see Naomi again, I would never see the smile that brought a similar one to my face.

But this world was wrong, Naomi had returned to me. In some sick twisted way she was right here sat beside me, operating under the belief that her name was Tallula. Was this world not punishment enough, did they feel the need to bring me so close to Naomi, but yet at the same time so far away.

Reaching my hand towards her I let my fingers lightly brush her cheek before tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She was Naomi in everything but the name and her memories of me.

Could I stay around her and not want the things we had before. Could I be around a Naomi who had no memories of the things we shared. I knew the answer before I asked the questions. Yes.

Like I even had a choice.

My gaze found hers once more and I hoped she could see the pale imitation of happiness in my eyes as I lost myself in her eyes of vivid blue, her name on my lips.

Naomi.


	9. Vivid

**A/N: This kind of wrote itself like my other chapters. I have no idea what journey Emily is going to go on. Just where she's going to finish it. Ideas/Criticism welcome.**

_The grass was a vivid green, the sky a glorious blue. In front of me a blonde ran, remaining just out of my grasp. Laughter filled the air as another ran beside me. She looked like me, only she was dressed in clothes that I wouldn't normally wear. _

_The blonde spoke, her melodic voice I could only liken to an angel. "Hurry up Ems, Katie we're going to be late."_

_As if I couldn't control myself a small burst of laughter erupted from me as the blonde tripped, sprawling to the floor. Laughter, from me. _

_Grunt. Thud. _

_With a cry I fell over the blonde falling to the floor next to her, a dull thudding in my back but laughter still on my lips. I was happy. _

_The blonde rolled to face me, and her lips captured mine. I was ecstatic. I was in love. _

"_Get a room."_

_It was my look alike, and she was teasing me, her look a curious mix of awkwardness and happiness. She reached down towards me, hauling me of the floor._

"_Look at you your well dirty."_

_I didn't care, the stupid grin I knew was on my face was evidence of that. My double rolled her eyes and straightened my clothes, as the blonde got up from the floor, her hand reaching to tangle itself in mine. "Just wait for tonight."_

_A cheeky wink and a kiss to my forehead before the blonde let her hand slide from mine, darting of in front of me once more. A blatant challenge for me to catch her. Who was I to let her down._

_Running after her I knew the other me had hung behind, possible to give us some time alone. I was thankful. Now I just had to catch the blonde._

_Speeding up I was on her heels, my hand reaching out towards her. She was so close._

_Bang........_

My eyes snapped open just in time for me to witness myself hitting the seat in front of me, at some speed.

"What the Hell."

I heard a soft groan from Matt, who had been propelled into the dashboard in front, thanks to my weight hitting his seat.

"Sorry Guys" Summer's voice was quite and regretful. One of her hands held gently to her chest where I assume the seatbelt cut into her. Matt on the other hand was holding his hand to the front of his face, his head leant back against the seat.

The only person who appeared to not have been harmed was the blonde, the one from my dream. Tallula.

"It's ok summer. Were all fine." The voice was not the heavenly music from my dream, but was instead a hypnotic melody.

Fine was not the word I would have chosen to use. Uninjured, yes, but fine, not a chance.

"What happened." I had to ask. We couldn't have hit another car, Summer would have seen that coming a mile off. In any case I had only seen three cars in the numerous weeks we had spent on the road.

"The car broke down."

It was Matt that answered, not Summer. An answer so stupid that I should have laughed, if I had the ability. Of course the car broke down. It was an old thing, and had been on the go almost constantly for a long period of time. Add that to the fact that we were in the middle of nowhere. Of course it would brake down.


End file.
